{"id":990763,"date":"2026-10-01T09:11:11","date_gmt":"2026-10-01T09:11:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/practaice.nl\/?p=990763"},"modified":"2026-10-02T18:33:17","modified_gmt":"2026-10-02T18:33:17","slug":"soft-skills-training-not-a-personality-trait","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/practaice.nl\/en\/soft-skills-training-not-a-personality-trait\/","title":{"rendered":"Soft Skills Training: Collaboration and Communication Can Be Learned"},"content":{"rendered":"

The sentence comes up in almost every management team at some point, usually in a tone that closes the discussion. There is a team leader who does not address his people, an advisor who scares off customers, a manager who conducts consultations like a meeting rather than a conversation. And at some point someone says that it is simply his character, everyone nods, and that is the end of the matter. Including the question of whether soft skills training would achieve anything with him.<\/p>\n

What happens next is predictable. This person is passed over for every subsequent development program, because everyone knows it will not work anyway. He keeps his role, because replacing him is expensive and he does the rest of his work perfectly well. And three years later, the same thing is still in his file.<\/p>\n

I don’t want to romanticize it. Sometimes that conclusion is correct, and in those cases soft skills training really is a waste of money. But the conclusion is often drawn at a point when nothing has yet been tried, and it rests on an assumption about personality that research only partially supports.<\/p>\n

What personality research actually shows<\/h2>\n

The assumption is that behavior follows from character, and that character is fixed. The first part is partly correct. The second part is also correct, and yet it says something different from what people make of it.<\/p>\n

William Fleeson published three studies in 2001 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology<\/a> in which he asked people to report several times a day for two to three weeks on how they were behaving at that moment. What he found is at odds with how we talk about character. The variation within a single person was substantial. The typical participant regularly displayed almost all levels of almost all personality traits in ordinary daily life.<\/p>\n

The extraverted colleague is therefore not extraverted all day. He moves somewhere along a distribution that changes depending on the situation, and the distance between his quietest and most exuberant moments is greater than the distance between his average and that of someone else.<\/p>\n

Fleeson also found that the average of such a distribution is almost perfectly stable, and that the degree of variation itself is also a stable characteristic. So character really does exist. It simply describes the center of gravity of a cloud of behavior, and that cloud is much broader than the term personality trait suggests.<\/p>\n

For anyone involved in soft skills training, that is good news. You do not have to change anyone’s nature. You only have to work on the question of which part of their own range they use in the situations that matter.<\/p>\n

The sentence that is correct and yet used incorrectly<\/h2>\n

Back to the team leader who does not address anyone.<\/p>\n

When you look into it, he almost always confronts someone somewhere. At home, with his teenage son. At the football club where he is team manager. With a supplier who has delivered late for the third time. The behavior is within his range; he simply does not use it at work, in this role, with these people.<\/p>\n

That completely changes the diagnosis. The question then becomes why it does not happen in this situation, while he does do it elsewhere. Usually, there is a combination of three things underneath it: he does not know how to start, he has experienced a situation where it escalated, and he is afraid of the atmosphere in the team afterward. All three are things you can do something about.<\/p>\n

And that is something different from changing his character, which would indeed be pointless.<\/p>\n

Why feedback often backfires here<\/h2>\n

This brings us to a second piece of research that explains why the well-intentioned intervention usually makes the problem worse.<\/p>\n

Kluger and DeNisi analyzed 607 effect sizes related to feedback in Psychological Bulletin<\/a>. On average, feedback improved performance, with an effect size of 0.41, but in more than a third of cases, performance actually deteriorated. Their explanation is that feedback directs attention somewhere. If that attention remains on the task, the work usually improves. If attention shifts toward the person and what this says about them, capacity is diverted toward self-protection.<\/p>\n

Tell someone that he is not a people person and that is exactly what you have done. You have shifted his attention away from the conversation he needs to have and toward the question of who he is. That makes the next conversation more difficult, not easier, and the resulting failure then confirms the judgment.<\/p>\n

This creates a neat self-reinforcing cycle in which the conclusion about someone’s character produces the behavior that proves the conclusion.<\/p>\n

What soft skills training actually involves<\/h2>\n

If you accept that it is about situations, soft skills training changes fundamentally in one respect: you work on one conversation at a time instead of on a personal characteristic.<\/p>\n

Take addressing a colleague about being late. This can be broken down into four actions that anyone can observe: describe what you have seen without judgment, ask how the other person sees it, make one agreement, and check when you will follow up on it. Four things. None of the four has anything to do with whether someone is a people person.<\/p>\n

Those four actions become useful by practicing them frequently, not by hearing them once. That is the entire difference between soft skills training that works and a module that you have completed. Ericsson, Krampe and Tesch-R\u00f6mer described in Psychological Review<\/a> how skill develops through focused, repeated practice at the edge of one’s abilities, with immediate feedback and increasing difficulty. For conversation skills, this is difficult to organize because each repetition requires someone to play the other role, and most people do not want to do that in front of colleagues.<\/p>\n

At PractAIce<\/a>, we solve this with an AI avatar that plays the conversation slightly differently each time. The same situation, a different response: one time the colleague is startled and apologizes, another time he becomes defensive, and the third time he turns it around and starts talking about something you did wrong last month. The AI coach then provides feedback on the four actions that were defined in advance, focusing on behavior rather than personality.<\/p>\n

For the team leader from the beginning, this changes what he hears. Instead of being told that he is not good at confrontation, he is told that he abandoned his observation in the third sentence and then jumped to a solution. That is something he can work with.<\/p>\n

Where the limits actually are<\/h2>\n

Now for the part that contradicts my own argument, because that limit does exist.<\/p>\n

For some people, there is something underneath that practice cannot make go away. Someone with serious social anxiety is not helped simply by practicing more, and needs something different from a training program. Someone who is in a role that completely goes against their preferences can learn it and will continue to experience it as swimming against the current. There are also people who simply do not want to do it, and that is a legitimate position that you should not try to train away.<\/p>\n

So I do not dispute that there are limits. What I dispute is drawing that conclusion before anything has been tried, based on an impression formed from a few meetings.<\/p>\n

There is also a practical reason to be cautious with the character argument. The World Economic Forum reports in the Future of Jobs Report 2025<\/a> that employers expect 39 percent of core skills to change by 2030, with social and cognitive skills in particular becoming more important. If you treat those skills as personality traits, recruitment becomes the only tool you have left. In a tight labor market, that is a rather vulnerable strategy.<\/p>\n

How to approach the conversation in the management team differently<\/h2>\n

My suggestion would be that the next time that sentence comes up, ask one question before someone decides that soft skills training here would be a waste of money: in what situation does he do it well?<\/p>\n

Eight times out of ten, there is such a situation. That question moves the conversation from the person to the circumstances, and that is immediately where you have influence. And in the two cases where no such situation can be found, you have a much more serious signal than an impression, and a different conversation is appropriate.<\/p>\n

We wrote about how to translate this into trainable behavior on the page about competency based training<\/a>, and about measuring it in Skills gap analysis: you measure what people think of themselves<\/a>. The act of addressing someone directly, which is one of the most avoided conversations in almost every organization, is covered in Feedback training<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Frequently asked questions about soft skills training<\/h2>\n

Are soft skills innate or can they be learned?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Personality is reasonably stable, but the behavior someone actually displays varies greatly depending on the situation. Research by Fleeson showed that the typical person displays almost all levels of all traits in daily life. That is where there is room to work on behavior.<\/p>\n

What exactly are soft skills?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Soft skills are the skills that take place between people: listening, asking follow-up questions, giving feedback, confronting, negotiating, and dealing with emotion. They are called soft, and in practice they are often the most difficult to execute.<\/p>\n

How do you train soft skills effectively?<\/strong><\/p>\n

By taking one conversation at a time, breaking it down into three to five observable actions, and repeatedly practicing those actions with immediate feedback. Working on a characteristic such as customer orientation produces little in practice.<\/p>\n

Is training worthwhile for someone who clearly does not have it in them?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Often, yes, provided you first establish whether that person displays the behavior in other situations. If so, it is a situational problem and can be trained. If not, there may be something else going on, and a different conversation is appropriate.<\/p>\n

Why does feedback about personality backfire?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because it shifts attention from the task to the self-image. The meta-analysis by Kluger and DeNisi showed that feedback worsened performance in more than a third of cases, particularly when that feedback focused closely on the person.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If there is someone in your organization about whom that sentence has already been said several times, there is a useful test. Have them practice one conversation three times, in their own situation, and see whether anything changes between the first and third attempt. That costs half an hour of their time. We are happy to show how it works on the page about soft skills<\/a>, and you can also simply contact us if you would rather first discuss that specific person without having a demo around it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sources<\/h2>\n
    \n
  • Fleeson, W. (2001). Toward a structure- and process-integrated view of personality: traits as density distributions of states. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, 80(6), 1011-1027. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0022-3514.80.6.1011<\/li>\n
  • Kluger, A.N. & DeNisi, A. (1996). The effects of feedback interventions on performance: a historical review, a meta-analysis, and a preliminary feedback intervention theory. *Psychological Bulletin*, 119(2), 254-284. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0033-2909.119.2.254<\/li>\n
  • Ericsson, K.A., Krampe, R.T. & Tesch-R\u00f6mer, C. (1993). The role of deliberate practice in the acquisition of expert performance. *Psychological Review*, 100(3), 363-406. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0033-295X.100.3.363<\/li>\n
  • World Economic Forum, *Future of Jobs Report 2025*, chapter Skills Outlook. https:\/\/www.weforum.org\/publications\/the-future-of-jobs-report-2025\/in-full\/3-skills-outlook\/<\/li>\n
  • Saks, A.M. & Belcourt, M. (2006). An investigation of training activities and transfer of training in organizations. *Human Resource Management*, 45(4), 629-648. https:\/\/onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1002\/hrm.20135<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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